Author and relationship expert, John Gray, PhD. really nailed it back in the 90s with his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.  The premise of this couple’s manual is that men and women have such different needs and expectations, they may as well be from different planets.  The book sold millions of copies and spent over 100 weeks on the best seller list.

Hailed by the couples’ therapy community as the bible of male/female understanding, this book finally threw all the cards on the table and enlightened millions of bewildered men and women (mostly women) who made their way through its pages.  A shrewd marketing person even came out with the book on tape version making it accessible to those non-readers who could gain enlightenment on their morning commute.

Being a lover of all things Venus, I too purchased a copy of this book and after devouring its pages attempted to have a conversation with husband #3, the Keeper of All Knowledge.

Blah, Blah, Blah…was all I remembered from that conversation as he immediately tried to discredit the author.  I even purchased the book on tape version as a birthday present, but it remained untouched. His commute, he said, was only a few minutes and he preferred listening to country music…more relaxing…less enlightening.

So, with that and more recent lack- of-communication-events in mind, Ladies, I want to revive my call for the “Let’s Take a Holiday From Men Day”.* Regardless of how blissful your current relationship may be, I believe that all women need some Me Time.  Here are a few suggestions on how to spend your  Me Day.

1. Begin by downloading Heather Headley’s In My Mind.  This is soulful, Caribbean almost church with a beat music.  (Did you know Me Time was co-written by Baby Face and mixed at a studio in Va Beach).

All things being equal

I always put you first

You know that I’ve been down for you.

Through better and through worse

All things being equal

Boy, I’ve been more than cool

So it seems only natural

To expect the same of you.

…I need some Me time…Not some you and some I.  Just some Me time…that’s all.

Turn the volume way up and dance around in your Victoria Secrets as Heather harmonizes the anthem of Women Worldwide.

2. Next, set the TV so that No channels with balls being bounced, tossed, passed, chucked or dunked can be shown.  Clean the remote (studies show it contains more germs than your toilet) with a cotton ball and a little listerine.  Set the remote so only shows from Bravo, Lifetime, WE, OWN, Hallmark and PBS run continuously for 24 hours.

3. Make a special trip to the Mall and buy that purse, pair of shoes, designer dress…something that you have been eyeing for months and take it home without removing the price tag.  Display it  proudly, unashamedly in the front of the closet for  Him and the whole world to see.

4. Pull out your stash of cookbooks and clipped recipes and prepare a Meatless Gourmet Meal that is not only healthy but looks exactly like the photo.  Serve your meal on the fine china you reserve for his mother together with real napkins and a long stemmed wine glass full of something French and expensive from the top shelf at Total Wine.

5. Scour the bathtub of all those male (and dog) body hairs and have a Spa experience with your favorite scents bubbling  in the tub surrounded by a roomful of candles with Luther or Kem crooning softly and lovingly in the background.

6. Lastly, pull out those expensive satin sheets hidden in the back of the linen closet.  Put on your most comfortable nightie…no thongs or g straps those are for him.. unbonnet your hair, moisturize your face and have the most restful sleep you’ve had in months dreaming about how you are going to celebrate your Next Holiday from Him.

* From my original post in 2012 and 2014.

Love and Light

Comments are always welcome fellas…smiling



Photo by Joshua T on

Have You Ever…

Heard a voice so distinctive the vibrations reached your very Being and literally touched your soul/life force

Have You Ever…

Looked into a face, a mirror reflection of you and saw the same Smile, the same  Joy, the same Laughter, Longing and Pain

Have You Ever…

Desired that sweet sweet passion that only His hands, His lips, His tongue can bring

Have You Ever…

Waited patiently/impatiently for the phone to ring, the text to bing, signally the beginning/end of your day

Have You Ever…

Dressed and undressed…Black shoes? Red? High heels? Low? Anticipating his Eyes caressing your curves and nodding approvingly

Have You Ever…

Wished that minutes so precious and few would rush by like a Bullet train hurtling you into His waiting arms

Have You Ever…

Touched Your Self the way he touches you…probing, searching, searing, softly releasing his explosive Treasure inside you

Have You Ever…

Prayed to the Creator thanking HIM/HER for crafting the other half of you

Have You Ever…

Laughed so loud so hard so long at the exact same time even though you were hundreds of miles apart

Have You Ever…

Looked up into the silent morning sky watching the clouds drift/ dance slowly by wondering  if HE was viewing that same sky

Have You Ever…

Cried beautiful silent tears listening to his powerful words

Have You Ever, Have You Ever, I Say, Have You Ever

Been in Love




(From the 2012 Archives…what’s old is new again…life is a circle…same sh*t/different day)
(I originally wrote this Blog a month ago  and in my haste to post it lost it due to a “no signal” message which suddenly scrolled across the monitor just as I was about to hit “publish” button. Of course, Reader that was in the early writing days of the Blog when I was foolishly typing on the site. After that experience, I went back to my traditional composing/ rewriting/editing method on a Word document before transferring it to the Blog site).
…This topic came about following a conversation with a close friend who casually mentioned it was her Anniversary.  In fact she recounted laughingly (not a word) that she had been married 34 years and did not realize it until a church member pointed to the Announcement in the church bulletin that Sunday. Surprise, Surprise. I assumed this was her hubby’s way of making this fact known to the congregation and also to his unsuspecting wifey. She said they generally never celebrated their Anniversary by doing anything special and this one would have gone by unnoticed as well.
…Thirty four years with the same person…waking up..going to bed..sitting across from the breakfast/lunch/dinner table…stumbling over underwears/shoes left in the floor…sharing/squeezing out the same toothpaste tube….doing the ..hurry up I got to use the bathroom dance...bickering about the remote/the credit card balance/the kid’s report cards/the water you forgot to put in the ice tray…AND she didn’t remember? How is that possible?
…In a relationship where the couple has weathered the storms of marital harmony and escaped the divorce monger (we are still at 50% survival rate), I guess it is easy to forget about the years that have slipped by preferring to focus on other daily challenges that life presents. How nice it must be to know that this area of one’s life is safe and under control…while jobs/career plans/health/finances/children/cars/foreclosure/bankruptcy/student loans/aging parents/etc.. all conspire to make life a hurdle and not a sprint.
…I had to pause for a moment and literally count the number of couples I knew who were similarly situated. Maybe not 34 years but still in the marriage game. Alas, the number was not many. The number of friends/colleagues/associates who are in the ranks of the divorced far outweigh the equally yoked crowd. And this Reader, I found to be quite sad.
…I am a self-proclaimed Romantic (not the tree hugging Wordsworth kind, I am more of the Zora Neale ilk), I believe in love. Just the other day a man I was unashamedly flirting with, asked me what is the one thing you want in life? Without pause, I responded LOVE. Not peace, not an end to world hunger, not a BMW, not a winning lottery ticket…(those would be nice of course)..but LOVE.
…As a young girl growing up in the 60s, I fantasized with my fellow playmates about falling in love. Back then it was Kookie from 77 Sunset Strip or Efrem Zimbalist Jr. who made us all go faint at the thought that they would leave Hollywood and come home to us in Victory Manor after a long, hard day on the set. This affinity and belief in love stayed with me through the terrible junior high years when I struggled to understand who I was. A skinny, darkskinned girl with long, thick hair and a nose too wide for her face. Who everyone agreed was smart as a whip and with that smile and that distinctive voice would certainly go far in life.

Gurl, you proved them right didn’t you…go head!
…All I really ever thought about was when would someone ever love me as much as I loved them. Of course, the fact that I was terrified of boys with their parts that could make a girl big like a watermelon did not help much in the boyfriend game. So I  spent long hours tucked away in the stacks at Blyden library reading every romance novel from Jane Eyre to Lessons of Desire And the stack of True Romance that I kept hidden under my mattress allowed me to vicariously experience this thing called love (or was that lust?) Same thing…Ah just kidding.
…High School brought concerns about fitting in, finding my place in a newly integrated world where I was a foreigner. Instead of the usual boyfriend/girlfriend/whatarewedoingSaturdaynite issues, I was busy trying to navigate the world of MHS and avoid the spitballs, obscenities, fights, threats that accompanied a typical school day. But I had chosen to enter this battlefield while my friends attended historic, all black BTW across town because I was in search of a different experience. I eventually found my place in Mr. Comer’s journalism class and under his guidance became the author of a monthly column, Over the Wall, which temporarily took the place of a boyfriend and opened me to the wonders of writing.
A column takes the place of a man….girl you must have bumped your head?
Writing became my solace, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my safe place to fall…my love.
…Did it stop me from seeking a man to love? Of course not. If you have read those excerpts from my Memoir/Fiction (publication still pending…waiting for all the 50 Shades hoopla to die down) you know that I am the proverbial seeker of love (in all the right/wrong Places). From the days in heady L.A. to nights in Virginia is for Lovers, I have sought love. And sometimes it has sought me in return. Despite this quest, unfortunately, I cannot claim 34 years of marital bliss. Life had another path for me….one that involved lots of stops and starts…and multiple leaps over the broom. Am I disillusioned, burned out, broken hearted, walking wounded, stickaforkinmeI’mdone with Men?
Sometimes. Some days. But not many.
Most days I am hopeful… like Janie in Their Eyes Were Watching God, I too am looking at the pear tree waiting for love to find huh. And smiling at the memory of my friend’s 34 years that just seemed to whiz by without her noticing that she is still loved and in love

Love and Light!

Love Hurts…Sometimes

While watching the recent Wedding, I like most watchers was struck by many things , but the Thang that really struck me…as in my mouth dropped open ( and not from the 7:00 am Sangria I was partaking of while watching this event)…was the fact the groom invited his 2 exes…and they lawd have mercy…accepted. What parallel universe do these folk live in?
And yes, I read the justification by the press via social media…these women were Still friends of the groom and he has such a small circle blah blah blah… it was important that they share in this momentous event in his life.
I’m sorry but…I can’t.. won’t try to comprehend this. I did notice that one of them was dressed in black or navy…fashion statement or message to the happy couple?
I guess the millennials have a different “how to deal with your exes playbook”.

As a liberal boomer, this is certainly far left of anything I’ve ever heard of…and I don’t think I’m alone. Hell! I know I’m not alone..100 sisters are simultaneously shaking their head in amazement as I type this. And before you whip out your tablets to respond…don’t forget I am a Libra…in Love with Love.
Like my girl, Jill Scott  rhymes in her  “My Love” lyrics…
Yo, I’m tripping right/ I heard you got married/You got married?/ No, I mean it don’t make any sense/ I didn’t think you were seeing other people/I mean I was seeing other people…(Jill smiling impishly and deductively)
At least he had the good sense not to invite her to the event.
Tally ho!

Love and Light…

As always, thank you for Reading/Commenting/Sharing!